Understanding Imposter Syndrome

Who would have thought reading Fabric of Reality by David Deutsch would help me understand imposter syndrome? How one rabbit hole turned into this aha moment… Let’s start with defining imposter syndrome.

What is imposter syndrome?

In 1978, psychologists Pauline Rode Clance and Suzanne Imes introduced the concept of imposter phenomenon (aka imposter syndrome) as the internal battle of self-doubt. You know the feeling that people are going to find out you’re a fraud, or feeling that you’re not good enough (Huecker MR, Shreffler J, McKeny PT, et al., 2023).

How does this look like?

Imposter syndrome is a cycle. I’ll use myself as an example. I wanted to learn how to program/code so I learned the fundamental….and pretty much over-prepared myself with knowledge of programming. The best way to learn programming is building projects because it forces you to break down a problem into simpler pieces and connect them. Turning something conceptual into something practical and tangible. So instead of focusing on building, I procrastinate with consuming knowledge (and diving into many different rabbit holes lol). My excuse was (and still is) “I don’t have a technical background so I don’t know what I’m doing and I want to get it right.” Fast-forward to now, my app is live on the app store, yet I still fail to market my app. Why? There are thousands of reasons why I talk myself out it. Here are the main two reasons:

1. people thinking, “She didn’t even go to school for this. She’s just doing this because everyone else is."

2. everything I’ve learned made me realize that there are so much I don’t know.

   I’ll dig deeper into that later (and connect how reading Fabric of Reality made me realize this).

Who experiences this?

Based on Clance and Imes’ research, women and people from underrepresented groups are more likely to experience imposter syndrome, but also people who are considered “perfectionists”, experts, highly skilled individuals, and people who prefer to work by themselves (Huecker MR, Shreffler J, McKeny PT, et al., 2023).
Now doesn’t that sound familiar… 👀

The downside of imposter syndrome…well, it can look like being afraid to speak up, not seeking opportunities that they are qualified for, and being burnt out.

Fabric of Reality, How to Take Smart Notes, Physics, and Math

Deutsch opens the chapter with dissecting the theory of everything and how acquiring more information about the universe really just makes you realize there is always more you don’t know. There is no one in this world who knows everything. In addition, reading How to Take Smart Notes by Sönke Ahrens, he mentions that people (good students in Ahrens’s case)

“…constantly raise the bar for themselves as they focus on what they haven’t learned and mastered yet. This is why high achievers who have a vast amount of knowledge out there are likely to suffer from what psychologist called imposter syndrome” (Ahren, p.8).

Honestly reading Deutsch’s book prompted me to go on another side quest (aka learning more about physics and math).Physics and math helped reality feel more understandable because there is reasoning behind it. The deeper I went, the more I noticed the limits of what I understood. That changed I interpreted those gaps.

“The exaggerated esteem in which my life is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as involuntary swindler” - Albert Einstein

Einstein, the genius that came up with general relativity, felt like an imposter. It’s a paradox. The more you more you learn, the more you become aware of what you don't know. Because you’re exposed to so much information that it opens your perspective to all the things you don’t know.

Working with Imposter Syndrome

It’s hard, and a constant battle with yourself. I have not overcome imposter syndrome, and I don’t think I will. BUT I do have a more positive outlook on imposter syndrome and understand why I feel the way I do.
Here are some of the things I’ve done to work with my imposter syndrome:
Journaling/Documentation: Thank goodness, I’m someone who documents everything. Well it’s because I have a tendency to rely on documentation rather than my memory. Having something tangible and physical literally shows you what you’ve done.
Note-taking/Common-placing: Having a place to store all your interests helps you bridge connections between them. I literally had an aha moment of why I love stationery so much, which I will write about soon.
Support System: They’re curious about whatever random thing I’m learning, and because they’re so used to me jumping between interests, I feel like I can freely talk about what I’m working on without having to explain myself. Their feedback also helps me see things I probably won’t notice on my own.

My thoughts

All these rabbit holes start to make sense, and I often can see the connection between everything I have learned and experienced.

The feeling “I don't know enough” isn't always evidence that you're a fraud. Sometimes it's evidence that you've learned enough to recognize how much more there is to learn. If someone like Einstein could still feel like an imposter, then maybe feeling like I don’t know enough isn’t proof that I’m unqualified. Maybe it comes with understanding how much there is to know. So continue to read, explore random things, and most importantly keep asking questions.